A Practical Guide to Finding Your Style Postpartum
Small style tweaks to make as the dust settles...
Whenever I quiz my audience on their biggest style sticking points, postpartum dressing is pretty much always the number one struggle. And I know. I’ve been there! It’s been my style sticking point, too. I’m out of the baby stage now and in the ‘waking up early because he’s excited to play with Play-Doh’ phase, and it’s both cute and exhausting in a new way. My diary is filled with birthday party invites and reminders to fill in the class teddy weekend journal, but one thing I have got a handle on is my wardrobe. I’m excited to get dressed; I feel like I have a solid base to work from and go-to outfits that cover all my needs, from setting up Brio tracks on the floor to meeting with brands in London. I’ve got the whole spectrum covered. It’s taken time, but I have notes, and today I want to share them.
I can’t write a post like this without some kind of disclaimer. I know, I know. Of course, it goes without saying that I’m basing this advice on my personal experience. You’ll get the gist that my time postpartum was tough. I don’t like to dwell on the specifics online, but the first 12 months were hard. It might feel frivolous to some, but to me, finding and wearing clothes I feel good in is an act of self-care, and once I pieced together that connection - along with better sleep and a good Therapist - my life started to click back into place again. Wearing clothes is also intrinsically related to my job and how I earn money as the breadwinner of my family, so it’s a complex relationship - keep that in mind, too.
I’ve carefully curated this post piece by piece, and I genuinely look at photos of my postpartum self and want to give myself a hug, so my biggest takeaway is to be kind to yourself and give yourself grace. If personal style isn’t something you want to pour energy into right now, then know that that’s ok. Be gentle and take your time. It’s also worth nothing that my feeding journey was short, so breastfeeding-appropriate outfits aren’t something I can personally talk to. I’ve put off writing this post because I truly think the biggest factor is just time. With a little more sleep in the tank, you will find your flow and your new normal - the new you. However, with three and a half years under my belt, there are a few things I would do differently as the dust was settling, and that’s what I’m going to unpack for you today.
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Let’s start at the beginning. I got pregnant in late 2020, during the second pandemic lockdown in the U.K. Yes, I had to tell my parents I was pregnant whilst standing out in their driveway. I gave birth to my son in late summer 2021, when, thankfully, restrictions were lifted, and as someone who works for themselves, I took eight weeks off work before officially attempting to come back full-time, with my parents looking after our little one for one day a week and my husband and I (we work together doing this - he edits all my video content and photos), juggling childcare the rest of the time. We were, and still are, very fortunate to have such flexible schedules, but returning to an extremely public-facing job just two months after having a baby was… something.
Here is the part when I just want to give myself a big ol’ hug. I was eight weeks postpartum and needed to get dressed to share my looks with an audience of almost 500k people. At that point, even leaving the house felt monumental. You have to laugh; after doing this for 15 years, I’m fully aware of the utter bizarreness of what I do sometimes. It goes without saying that the outfits were pretty bad. I hadn’t managed to get through a day without crying, and nothing really fit. I was confused and tired. Really, really tired. Here’s what I remember:
Comfort was key. The definition of postpartum is ‘the period after birth, typically lasting 6-8 weeks’. Now, I don’t know about you, but I felt the full effects of having a baby, physically and mentally, for the best part of 18 months. I wanted/needed my clothing to feel comforting.
I didn’t want to stick out. I hadn’t worked out my new identity yet. I was a ‘Mum’, but I didn’t feel like one, and I certainly didn’t want to stick out. I wanted to blend in with the crowd at Baby Sensory classes.
My clothes didn’t fit. Sure, I could squeeze my new body into some of my pre-pregnancy trousers, but sitting down in them felt suffocating, and others didn’t come past my knees. My hips were wider, as were my ribs, my new-found boobs were boobing and my tummier far spongier. When I look at my wardrobe now, only one pair of pre-pregnancy trousers remain: my Lululemon Leggings - go figure.
In putting together this post, it got me thinking - had I just always struggled with my style? It’s hard to remember BC - before child - sometimes, so I took a walk down memory lane in my camera roll, and I feel like the answer is, well, no. After a quick flick through the archives from 2019 and early 2020, I found that most outfits were ones I’d roll out today, perhaps with a few tweaks here and there. My style back then ran a little more polished, and I was far more likely to wear a heeled pair of shoes than I would now, but for the most part, it felt there was a solid style base I was working from. A clear sense of my needs, likes and preferences - a cohesiveness I lost during my early baby years.
Looking back, there were three areas where my postpartum style fell flat. It feels a little mean to poke holes in my delicate, sleep-deprived self, but to help me to help you, digging a little deeper is necessary:
Things felt too trend-led. 2021 was the peak of chunky trainers. So I bought chunky trainers, when in fact, they were never something that would have resonated with my style before kids, and they aren’t something that even really resonated at the time. It felt like a tick-box for the athleisure trend that was splashed across my Pinterest. It makes sense that with far less time than before, I allowed my style to be dictated by the algorithm, but it meant I made purchases and style choices that weren’t in line with my preferences.
My older proportions no longer worked. If I were to pick a key aspect of my pre-pregnancy style, it would be the silhouette of cropped, slightly wide-leg jeans worn with a pointed pair of heeled boots to elongate. That was my go-to. Sleek and chic, it looked great. But shorter, cropped denim just doesn’t look the same with a flat wide shoe (the image of me in the white jeans and Birkenstocks haunts me!). It needs that height that the heeled boots bring. I needed to rethink the format.
My outfits were missing polish. Looking back, this feels like the main takeaway. My style before I gave birth was pretty classic and polished, and after birth, it went to the complete other end of the spectrum - more modern and casual. The effect of styling myself completely opposite to how I usually would, was pretty jarring. There didn’t feel like much of a throughline to before - BC!!! Of course, it makes complete sense in the chaos of early motherhood, but that jump was where I lost myself style-wise.
Like I mentioned earlier, these days I’m really happy with where my wardrobe and my day-to-day outfits are at, so what’s changed?
Time passing. Distance from those sleep-deprived days and my general postpartum sadness - it’s true what they say. You forget! Not enough for me to do it again mind you, but it’s hazy. I’m happier now - I get more sleep! - and that confidence I have in myself bleeds into all parts of my life. Which leads me to…
Time to heal. Had I not lied to every single heathcare professional that I was ok, when I was actually broken, I would have gotten help sooner. It might seem strange to credit professional help to me ‘getting my style back’, but with the assistance of some incredible Therapists I realised that in order for me operate at peak contentness, I needed time to focus on myself and that didn’t make me a bad Mum or a selfish person, it just made me human. Removing the guilt for needing that was huge.
Time on the clock. You know when I said in the intro the time is the biggest factor? Well. Along with the above, I find having those pockets of time, like the evenings when my son is asleep, or mornings when I can be arsed to get up at the crack of dawn before anyone else is awake, means I have some brain space to do things like have a slow bath and browse Pinterest or flick through a magazine on the sofa. In those first months with a colicy kid, those pockets didn’t really exist for me.
Finding practical solutions. It’s unfair for me to compare my post-baby style, to my pre-baby style when my needs at those times in my life were completly different. But had I thought about it more pragmatically, then there were smaller swaps I could have made, instead of shifting my entire style to an aesthetic that didn’t suit me. I do more of a deep-dive in this post, but here’s a quick overview:
Flat, comfortable shoes - Converse* are always a solid choice for a classic pair of trainers, although I do love a pair of leather Chelsea Boots* for the winter. In the summer I lived in my Emme Parsons Bari Sandals* or a pair of suede loafers*. These look fab as well*.
Coats that actually keep me warm - A massive wool coat is such a good all-rounder. COS* have the best selection on the high-street I’d say.
Bags that can fit a decent amount in - We never got an official baby bag, and just used this Patagonia one* because I could wear it as a tote and my husband wore it as a rucksack, or we just stored whatever we could under the pram. These days I love the Glossier Utility Bag*.
Ok, so how do you actually get from A to B?
Of course it goes without saying that all the usual post-baby advice comes into play here; be kind to yourself, take time, ask for help (and then take it when it’s offered!), do what feels right for you. But in terms of practical styling tips, here’s what I found the most helpful:
Finding people’s style content that resonated with me. I mean Substack is an absolute WEALTH of style content and I wish I’d been locked in sooner (in terms of ones that offer style with a side of advice I’d recommend Reva, Harriet, Kelly, Angie, Emma & Xue). Of course, I’m going to recommend Allison Bornstein, a Stylist who shares her nuggets of wisdom across Substack, IG and YouTube. I watched her whole backcatalogue on YouTube, read her book* and booked in a personal styling session with her. All of which were absolute gamechangers in putting together the pieces of my own style and switching up how I thought about shopping, daily dressing, proportions and outfit formulas.
On the other side of the coin - muting and unfollowing! Both are very underrated in my eyes, but if there’s content out there that’s making you feel like a turd - style content or otherwise, make use of the mute and unfollow button. It’s good for your mental health!
Pinning down three words to aim for everyday when I got dressed. I know it’s not for everyone, but the Allison Bornstein method of ‘finding your three words’, has given me a shorthand, a mental checklist of sorts, to go through every morning when I’m getting dressed. If I don’t like an outfit it’s because I’m missing one word, and when I add it in, nine times out of ten, the outfit feels more balanced and ready to roll. If you’re struggling to define them Allison suggests that one practical word, one aspirational and one emotional is a good starting point. I realised that I wanted my daily outfits to feel:
Classic - for there to be a timeless element to them. Ultimately I love comfortable basics to be at the core of what I’m wearing.
Polished - an area which felt a little aspirational. I wanted my outfits to be elevated, refined and more tailored than what I was currently wearing.
Undone - for there to be an organic feel. A word that encouraged me to add texture and relaxed silhouettes. I didn’t want to feel too buttoned up.
Once you’ve sorted your recipes, you can think about ingredients. Perhaps you moodboard (Allison has a great post on that here), set your three words, then have a play in your wardrobe to see what you can already make work. Only then would I put together a list of ingredients that you feel like you’re missing. In terms of what to rebuy postpartum, I have to be honest, only 16% of my wardrobe remains from my pre-baby one - and that’s mostly shoes, bags and outerwear. My body changed so much that most of it no longer fit, and even a few years down the line that would still be the case. My main takeaway would be to rebuild it slowly and with intention if you can.
Playing in my wardrobe. This is easier said than done when you have a baby who refuses to nap on anyting aside from your bosom. But, having small pockets of time just to try on clothes was a helpful tool in those early days. Even if it was just to sort though pieces that no longer fit, dust off things that hadn’t been worn for the best part of a year and refind old favourites that I still loved. Connecting with what you already have is an important part of the process.
Find low-effort beauty hacks that make you feel great. It’s style-adjacent, but these small hacks helped to make me feel human again:
Applying tanning drops* before bed means I skip complexion products the next day.
Finding a simple makeup routine for chill days - I use a brow gel*, curl my lashes and apply my favourite lip balm*. This base* is unreal if I’ve got time apply it.
If I want a low-effort hairstyle and am nearing a hair wash day, I spray a dry-shampoo* in my hair before bed, then plait it and secure it with silk hair ties for a non-greasy wavy look the following day. It ticks my ‘undone’ word off the list without me having to lift a finger.
Don’t underestimate the styling ‘sprinkles’. Utilising accessories was a major step in putting outfits together that I just skipped for most of my life. For the longest time I didnt’t own a belt! Now I reach for one weekly. If you feel like your base outfit feels one note, then use these styling sprinkles to give nods to your three words. Here’s how I add them in:
Classsic - if I feel like I’m veering off the classic track then I’ll add in a structured, smooth leather bag or throw on my Ray-Ban Wayfarers.
Polish - most often this is what my outfit lacks. The easiest way that I inject it is with my jewellery collection* and more often than not, a chunky gold earring.
Undone - never forget the hair! Most days I wear my hair air-dried and in a loose wave, which helps to give me overall outfit a more undone feel. If it’s greasy and I need to pull it back, then I’ll give a nod to a more relaxed feel with an unstructured, textured bag.
Finding ways to add texture. I never realised why even my pre-baby outfits felt so boring, but it’s because they all lacked texture. Everything was smooth - mostly cotton or denim. As someone who loves a neutral, the introduction of texture can add interest to even the most basic of outfits. Now suede is tricky with kids, so I tend to keep it to shoes or belts, but woven leather bags are good way to incoporate texture that’s wipeable. Try things like knitted wide-leg trousers, chunky cable knits or an oversized leather jacket.
Get used to doing washing. You’re already doing a tonne of it already, so what’s another pair of white jeans? Even when my little guy was really little, I still wore cream tops and white trousers (and black when baby sick was my main source of mess!). You can still have and wear nice things, you just need to have this in your life*.
I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how I would rework my postpartum outfits, and perhaps that’s a whole new post in itself. But I wore this the other day for a playdate and thought it might be helpful to include it here as a starting point, if you’re feeling a bit stuck. Here’s something to try today: your favourite t-shirt + a comfy jersey jumper + loose jeans + converse + a light overcoat or trench + your favourite jewellery + a tote. An easy spring outfit that ticks all my boxes; that feels like me.
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Even though I don't have kids, a lot of this is relatable to changing bodies in general as well as how we dress impact our mental health. Thank you for sharing with us!
Anna, thank you for this. As a mother with a nine-year-old—far, far from my postpartum days—so much of this still resonates.
Time moves forward, but the echoes of those early years never really leave us, do they? The exhaustion, the tenderness, the quiet negotiations with our own reflection in the mirror. Your words hold such candor, such warmth, and I’m grateful for both the honesty and the deeply practical wisdom you share.
And I think you’ve captured one of the hardest lessons of motherhood (or maybe just womanhood itself?): grace.
The grace to soften when we want to be sharp, the grace to rest when the world insists on more, the grace to forgive ourselves for being human.
We are so often our own fiercest critics, and the world is more than willing to pile on expectations of its own—especially for mothers. Even down to what we wear! Thank you for holding space for a different way.