Why Are We Buying Clothes For Lives We Don't Have?
...and how to stop doing it.
The idea for this post has been knocking around my head for the past month - why do we buy clothes for lives we don’t have? Why do I buy clothes for a life that I don’t have?! We all do it right?! Another sharp blazer purchase when for the majority of the time we work from home. A pair of heeled sandals when we wear them two times max a year when we’re a guest at wedding. At the end of the day it’s not a crime!!! LIVE YOUR LIFE!! Sometimes it’s nice to have a treat; an object of affection that fills you with joy. But in the sense of budgets and consumption, it’s something that I would personally love to get to the bottom of and maybe you feel the same?
Really it boils down to disconnect. The disconnect between:
WHAT WE *ACTUALLY* SPEND OUR LIVES DOING
VS.
WHAT WE *THINK* WE SPEND OUR LIVES DOING
When you put it like that - it sounds simple right?! I know that for me a lot of my ‘bad’ buying decisions come from thinking that I need more ‘smarter’ clothes, when I spend a good 75% of my week at home either working or playing with my little one. I need comfort, I need practicality, I need denim that isn’t going to wear at the knees.
I can feel this disconnect too whenever I moodboard, or dig for inspiration online. A lot of what I collect comes from fashion week street style shots, or those who live a very different life than I do, be it in location, life stage or otherwise. It’s a big jump between that and what my daily life looks like and again that feels like a large cog in my bad buying machine. Just as a side note I do actually find Substack a real antidote for this as it feels like a more authentic lens of what people are wearing. Long live the mirror selfie!
Ok, so it’s easy to understand the ‘why’, but how do we stop it?! I think I have the answer to this and it’s going to take all of five minutes to do…
Remember this post?
It Might Be A Good Time To Clear Out Your Wardrobe...
Maybe you feel like it’s a good time to have a wardrobe clear out? Or maybe you don’t (side note: if you’re currently pregnant or postpartum then I’d hold fire - I got rid of so much stuff when I was pregnant that I’ve spent the last two years rebuilding my wardrobe - although would I have done that anyway!? We’ll never know!
In it I shared this graphic…
I colour-coded every day in the month of December depending on what genre of outfit I wore that day…
Casual family days (19 days)
Working from home (5 days - on a normal month these top two would be swapped).
Seeing friends in a smarter setting (2 days)
Seeing family in a smarter setting (2 days)
A day of meetings in London (2 days)
Being a guest at a wedding (1 day)
That meant that even in the ‘fanciest’ month of the year, I still wore casual clothing 77% of the time. The stats are trying to tell me something right?! That if I’m buying clothes then 77% of the time they should easily slip into a more casual setting.
Categorising a previous month like this is step one. And no, you don’t have to make a fancy Canva graphic for yourself. Just take your diary from the previous month and try and categorise what your outfit needs were for that day. Write it in your notes app on your phone, scribble it down on paper - whatever you fancy. It’s just helpful to actually see and get a sense of what you’re wearing for your daily activities.
It won’t take long, but to make categorising your month something that helps and informs you going forward you need to analyse it - look for patterns…
What’s your casual/formal split? This percentage calculator can come in handy.
Do you spend a lot of time inside/outside?
How many times are you dressing up?
Are there any particular activities that you need your outfits to work for?
Are there any plans that make you feel stumped when you’re trying to decide what to wear?
Is there something that you’re doing frequently that you haven’t got a uniform for?
Answering these questions will allow you to paint a picture of what you spend your time actually doing and will arm you with the knowledge you need to make ‘better’ purchases next time.
The second part of the answer is easy - time. Once you have the clear hard facts in your hand about the dress-code of your daily life, it’s all about taking a breath, a pause, next time you feel like buying something. Allison Bornstein always talks about the 24 hour pause, which is a great place to start. Just give yourself a full day before you reevaluate whether it’s something that warrants a purchase, (even if it’s secondhand there’s a high chance that it will still be in stock). I really like using a wishlist that I’ve made for myself in Notion (a Notes app wishlist works perfectly well too), something that I’ve really put into practice this year and guess what - SO much ends up being deleted off of it! I easily stuck to my one-item-buy January and out of the three things that are currently sitting on there, I know there’s one I’ve already cooled on. There are only two things to pick between for my February purchase so far. So maybe there’s a third part to the formula…
WISHLIST + TIME + KNOWLEDGE OF YOUR DAILY DRESSING NEEDS = REALLY SOLID PURCHASES
I don’t have any rules for my wishlist. I just add things in when I see them and get the urge to purchase, there’s no limit to how many pieces I can add. Then I stand back and let it marinate. Like I said I’m trying to stick to one purchase a month, so at some point during that time I’ll work out what is really singing to me/what I think I’ll get the most wear out of at that moment in time and buy it. I’ve actually really enjoyed taking my time and deciphering what is THE ONE for the month. For me that’s the secret sauce to buying well, and slowing my spending too. So far, so good.
Hopefully you enjoyed this one! It’s been swimming around in my head for weeks so it feels good to get it down, and I hope you find it a helpful task to complete. If you like this kind of stuff then please subscribe! I chat three-ish times a week on here about all things style, so come and join! We’d love to have you…
Anna x
Such an interesting + honest read, Anna. Love how you frame that disconnect, v insightful. I've been thinking a bit about this too lately, and honestly I can't help wondering if there could be something really quite confronting/deep-seated going on with this. So, I guess: what we actually spend our lives doing vs what we think we SHOULD BE spending our time doing? I think maybe there's some idealism/comparison/FOMO, shame, even, perhaps sitting behind the (for me at least) slightly delulu or unrealistic shopping choices I sometimes make...based on what, maybe if I'm truly honest, I *thought* I'd be doing in my life by now...or who I am right now vs who I *used* to be...or my perception of how ppl-who-def-have-their-shit-together present themselves in my feeds. Either way, I think your solutions are tight...know thyself, know thy life, shop accordingly. :)
I love this Anna - however! I like the 80/20 rule, where 80% of your wardrobe is everyday workwear, useful stuff. And then 20% of your wardrobe is personality wear. For those moments when you want to dress up and be fabulous. They may not come very often (and maybe 20% of the time is a stretch) but I love knowing they are there and I can be that fabulous person wherever I choose. Fashion is not just about usefulness. Its also about fantasy too!